I’m sorry to show my age here, but once upon a time, five very wise women told the world to:
“Stop right now
Thank you very much
I need somebody with the human touch
Hey you!
Always on the run!
Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fuuuuuun!”
Yes it was the Spice Girls and yes I still adore them.

We now live in a world where we are expected to be superman / woman / insert preferred pronoun. We are supposed to have the perfect job, the perfect family, the perfect car, house, life and freaking eyebrows. Society expects us to cram 48 hours into our 24 hour day and many people are struggling against it. Deep down I think many of us know we need to stop and take a breathe, but how many of us can do it? As in how many of us can afford to stop for a moment? I don’t necessarily mean financially in that sense too.

If you are anything like me, it’s not really in your vocab to give yourself that moment. I grew up more along the lines of Aaliyah’s “Try Again”, although it’s probably closer to “fall or fail – get up before I whoop your ass!”. However, as I roll down the hill of the my late 30’s, I have found myself growing both mentally and spiritually. Maybe psychologically rather then spiritually. I have allowed myself to not just recognise areas that need help, but to acknowledge, accept and action. But do you want to know the hardest part in all of this? Getting over the feelings of selfishness. We grow up being told to be selfless – to always be available, to always say yes and to always help others. As we grow older, that mindset flows over into our adult and professional lives where we are asked to “take one for the team” or “be a team player” or “for the good of the organisation!”. Better still, “I thought we were friends!”. The worst one of these is what I like to call the Vin Diesel: “Because we are family!” (If you don’t get this, watch any of the Fast and Furious movies and take a drink anytime you hear Family mentioned. Don’t blame me for the hangover.)

We fixate and focus on the concept of free choice and personal freedoms, to the point where wars have been, and continue to be fought for freedom (and to enrich the pockets of certain shareholders, but that is a rant for another day); we protest for the freedoms of people we have never met and might never meet, but have you ever taken a moment to reflect on whether or not you a) grant someone that right in your personal interactions day-to-day and b) reflect on whether or not that has been granted to you in the choices you make?

For example, charity. Whether it is donating to an organisation or donating to a cause (political or not), have you ever taken a moment to really see what you are doing? It’s great that you give that $10 a month to purportedly save that child, or protect that bear or to provide shelter because you know it’s the right thing to do. But then what happens when you find out that the CEO only flies private, or has a million dollar salary at a not-for-profit or throws lavish parties when they are supposed to head an organisation that HELPS people? YOU did the good thing you were brought up to believe you should do. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, the people who are telling you that YOU need to do this are the same that enrich themselves from your good deed; whether it is a charitable, religious or political foundation asking you. There are GOOD organisations out there, so I’m not suggesting you STOP altogether, but maybe explore your personal freedom to research and choose accordingly.

Back to my original point, this is a lesson I wish someone had told me in my 20s… teens even! – because I envision that my life would be very different today. I wish that I knew that “No” is not a dirty word (Neither is Ego, but that’s a different story) and that it is okay for me to put myself first. As humans we are programmed to care for each other, but we also need to always consider this: “who is taking care of me?” If you can’t answer that question immediately, I suggest you take a moment to heed the advice of Sporty, Scary, Posh, Ginger and Baby and STOP. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as taking your lunch break outside in the sun (it is approaching summer here in Australia) or just a five minute walk away from your workplace. As cliched as it sounds, getting new air (even if it’s not fresh) can do a lot for your senses. I would probably stay off social media and the internet when you are getting away, however, catching Pokemon is highly recommended. Yes I am back on the Po-Go wagon and I LOVE it. It forces me to wander around because I keep running out of potions and Poke balls and I find whatever was bothering me when I decided to chase a Poke Stop or a raid, I have gotten over by the time I turn my mind back to the task at hand. I also have a flexible role at the moment that allows me to move away from my desk at will. Because work and life and everything else demands so much of our time and attention, remember to take out little moments for yourself. It doesn’t need to be drastic (although the curative effects of a shopping weekend in Singapore followed by Singapore Slings and fine dining never hurt anyone) but making it a non-negotiable habit of taking moments out to yourself will do more for your mental health then any “de-stress” medication on the market. Except Gin. Gin fixes all sorrows.

Jokes aside, take that baby step. It will empower you to do a little more. Bit by bit, you will feel better and that feeling will help propel to you a) say NO and b) love and look after yourself a bit more. To be a cliche, our lifespan is short. Don’t suffer any more then you have to. There’s that concept of “no one will remember what brand your shoes are on any given day, but they will remember how you made them feel”. Let that guide you through your actions (and no, there is nothing wrong with Gucci kicks) and afford each other the freedoms that we so love to proclaim.

I am becoming better with STOPPING. I wish my body was holding up it’s end of the bargain, but we are doing the very best we can.

Til next time!
B