Hello reader,

It’s been quiet here in Melbourne lately. We have a state election coming up (November 26th), but nothing too crazy is happening on our side of town. I’ve been passing time watching the tail end of the 2022 Formula 1 Grand Prix Championship (whilst trying not the be too sad about Vettel’s retirement, and the prospect of both Danny and Mick not having a seat for 2023) and trying to wrap my head around the new medication for my CFS (fighting a losing battle) and following the midterm elections in the States. Was I happy with the outcome? Moderately so. Given that the media had spent the past month or so assuring everyone of a Red Tsunami and practically guaranteed a lame duck presidency for the next two years, the (mild) repudiation of Trumpism feels like we dodged one (of many) bullets. Is it a permanent sense? Of course not. But for now, things seems a little calmer until Trump announces his 2024 candidacy.

It’s been three weeks since I’ve started the duloxetine for the CFS, and it sucks so hard. Side effects include blurry vision, nausea, light headedness, lack of appetite and dry mouth. I have them all! I’m off to see the GP tomorrow to see if there is any other option as the meds are severely affecting my quality of life, but the medical notes do say that it takes 2 – 4 weeks to acclimatise to the medication which puts me on the halfway mark sort of, but my gut feeling is that these meds don’t work for me. I shouldn’t be feeling so much more lethargic on them, now should I be all over the shop and unable to manage full days when I was scraping through previously.

I suppose the best way to describe how I’m feeling on the meds is that I am trapped. Trapped in an everlasting cycle of exhaustion, brain fog and sweatiness. Everything feels like an effort, and a lot of it comes down to trying to operate as normal, but struggling with invisible symptoms. I’m more noticeably tired and whilst I sleep long hours, it’s not quality sleep (according to the Fitbit) and I’ve been late for work every day since starting the medication. The chest pains are back and I’m not a happy camper. I don’t go back to the see the rheumatologist until February next year, so it’s all about a band-aid solution between now and then, although a small part of me is tempted to jump back into a Futsal match to see how the body holds up. Probably a terrible idea, but I’ve done a lot worse.

It’s hard to maintain a positive mindset, which is one of the ingredients to getting through this, but I am trying (except I seem to be having more bad days then good) and admittedly, I am failing somewhat, but it’s all baby steps from here on out. We are experiencing a new wave of COVID-19 here and I’m trying to keep safe from getting it again as who knows what that will do to my nervous system?

Sorry for the rambles – my mind flits all over the place and then goes blank – also incredibly frustrating but hopefully reversible.

Stay safe and look after each other

Bx