Hello readers!

I’m still finalizing my in between posts – things have been a little hectic lately, but today I celebrate another lap around the sun, and it’s been a hell of a year.

I’m 36 this year (have never understood the whole lying about your age thing, maybe because my ever practical mumma bear has always been open about her age), and if I am to be perfectly honest with you, I’ve been dreading it the past few days, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. This morning in the shower (my favourite place for an epiphany) I realised why. We joke about 35 being the halfway mark of our lives (based on the old adage of 70 is a full life) which we now know isn’t correct due to people living longer; but it is often used as a measure of achievements and goals.

When I was younger, I expected to be settled by the time I was 35. Budding young family, burgeoning career, living the dream with the white picket fence. The reality of the situation? My career is a shambles (until I finish my degree later this year and get back into seriously job hunting), I have no savings in the bank and I definitely do not own a home. Or any major possessions. But, looking back on the past 35 years (as much as I can remember), there are other things I am proud of. I am in the first emotionally stable and fulfilling relationship of my life (the past ones were all atrocious for different reasons); I have a close knit group of friends I can call on at any time, my family life is healthy (as I have learnt to say no and set boundaries) and I have grown leaps and bounds due to the life lessons I have learnt along the way. Do I wish for more? Of course. But am I truly happy? Yes, I think I am. I’m happy with what I have now, and anything else that comes my way is an additional joy/blessing/bonus.

One thing I would like to be free of, but unfortunately am not, are the ills and illnesses that have beset my body. It is confirmed that I am currently in my third bout of pericarditis (thanks to an undiagnosed bout of COVID-19 earlier this year) so I am back on almost all the medications save the Colchicine, and my cardiologist is considering petitioning my rheumatologist for some heavy duty meds to try get me over the line. My poor health is an area that makes me sad most days, but there are people out there why are suffering worse, so I am glad that walking my dog and general everyday enjoyments are not off the menu, and that I am not in danger currently.

I don’t have anything crazy planned for today, as my little cousin turns 18 tomorrow (yes she was born the day after I turned 18), and we will be having a rather fancy dinner in her honour. I plan on a quiet night with my partner and our doggo tonight, maybe having a cheeky drink to celebrate. It’s also National Day of the Dork, so double the celebrations!

Stay well,

Bx