Hello everyone!

Where has the time gone? How is it almost Lunar New Year and into the second month of the year? I for one know what has been keeping people occupied this month.
1. Exploding Omicron figures (we are consistently in 5 figures every day)
2. The Djokovic saga (which could have been easily resolved with ‘he lied on his entrance visa’ instead of the massive circus we were forced to endure.
3. The lack of booster uptake, RATs, the general incompetency of the governments at all levels etc etc.
4. Russia and the US may be in the brink of war due to a potential Ukraine invasion.
5. The world and China might end up in a war due to a potential reclamation of Taiwan.
6. America basically trying to eat it’s own tail; trying to override democracy in favour of authoritarianism / totalitarianism.
7. All the hoop-a-la surrounding the upcoming Beijing Winter Olympics.

I’ve been keeping a fairly low profile; as someone who can’t get a booster, but is in danger of contracting Omicron due to the lack of protection, I’ve pretty much been wearing a N95 mask and reacquainting myself with the smell of sanitiser. There have been a few scares along the way – had a sore throat and a really rough cough, but have happily not seen the second line on the RAT, but it was enough to scare me back into COVID-19 safe practices.

One thing I will also note, is that I have started to learn a very important life lesson, and I can’t emphasise enough how important it is – and it’s to not care. I’m not suggesting that you lose empathy – that’s a different kettle of fish – but that you give less (none actually) weight to what other people think and to their opinions as it has the potential to really get you down. Mind you, it is hard. I have an overthinker’s personality where every little slight is taken to heart. Things bother me. Disagreements with customers (even when they are in the wrong) nag at me daily and eat away any little self esteem I have. It’s not a healthy way to live, and I used to cope by eating away the sadness, or trying methods of self sabotage. Yes, I know all that’s bad for me – I can hear you screaming it at me through the screen. Here’s the thing about getting better and making changes though. YOU have to want it. People can encourage you; cajole you or even force you to change, but if YOU don’t want to do it, you won’t. Particularly if you are quite rebellious. A lot of what cinched it for me though, was the impact it was having on others around me. My partner was helpless half the time, but continued to cheer me on and try to support me as best as he could, but one night I actually saw the strain on him. He was dealing with personal issues and my somewhat preventable and almost childish obsessions were taking it’s toll. I was also a lot grumpier and had lost my zest for anything. Life. study, friends. None of it felt like things worth striving for. I didn’t want to be around anyone and my self-inflicted mind fucks were getting more and more intense. My long suffering GP, who I absolutely adore, was pleading with me to get help and I ignored her; up until she suggested that I get a pet to help me through things. A dog specifically. It just so happens that my partner was also considering getting a dog, and I couldn’t help but feel like a right decision was made. Sure I’ve never really wanted kids, but it’s more from a ‘I can barely look after myself’ mindset rather then any other, but a dog, I feel like I can manage, with the help of my dog-trained partner. We don’t have him yet, but when we do, I’ll be sure to introduce him to you all.

From one positive step forward comes others. I started to worry less about the customers at work and just focused on processing them and getting them out quickly and efficiently; I learnt to leave work problems at the front door when I got home every night and, as stupid as this sounds, I learnt to breathe again. This might sound trivial to anyone else, but it has helped me get past a lot of the crazy pericarditis pain, including the flare ups I was getting when I was particularly angry about being ‘the sick one’. I’ve been sleeping better and waking up better and the worry lines around the eyes and forehead have receded. If a customer makes a personal attack, I just calmly state my position and then let it roll off like water off a duck’s back. I won’t go so far as to say I’m Zen, because there are three people in this work who can describe my last meltdown and it’s dated 2022. It’s working, but I have my moments. Fortunately, they are few and far between these days, yet spectacular when they happen.

Perspective is not something we are born with. We learn it, we experience it and we continue to grow it as a result of our day to day interactions; our education and our circumstances. But it doesn’t stop developing. It evolves and grows as we do, and we can only hope that it is for the best. I will admit that I have yet to embrace the mindset that being still right now is good for me (and the heart). I’m still itching to get back into physical activity as I’m constantly fretting about the loss of exercise tolerance and muscle, and I’m worried that that is impacting on my day to day life.

All things aside, things are pretty good right now. Just not sure how long they will be good for though.

Look after yourself and each other.

Bx