Hello reader,

I’m sorry for the long absence. Things haven’t been the greatest here in Melbourne… or even in Australia to be honest. A series of bad judgement calls and decisions made by the Premier of New South Wales has led to a near-national lockdown reminiscent of last year’s major lockdowns. I am unsure what drives Premier Berejiklian’s decisions; whether it is political donor’s interests, lobbyists or just sheer bad advice. Some have suggested it has evolved into a class, race and socio-economical divide due to the selective nature of lockdowns and differing levels of enforcement enacted. What started as effectively a minor incursion of a person working in transport has evolved into 400+ daily cases in NSW and over 20 cases a day in Victoria. We are currently in our 6th lockdown, and have endured 203 days in total over the two years. The most recent restrictions include a 5km radius for essential shopping, a 9pm – 5am curfew and everything effectively closed except for supermarkets / food, health care and ‘essential stores’ (although why the Reject Shop continues to trade still baffles me).

It’s been hard, to say the least. I know that my general health and fitness (diets, gym, pilates etc) are all really just up to my level of dedication and willpower. I’m afraid to say that I have let almost all of my diet gains lapse (I haven’t gained all the weight back but I think the muscle has turned into fat) but I have been getting more and more depressed each lockdown that I effectively don’t have the will to do anything. The reason for this is that we impose really harsh lockdowns every time there are a few cases in the community, but even though we are promised that they are short and sweet, they aren’t. A one week lockdown inevitably becomes two weeks. This current one was meant to be a snap lockdown of one week, and we are currently extended to four weeks with at least a few more weeks ahead of us. Last year we had three months in lockdown, but we had government assistance to deal with some of the costs and it didn’t feel like we were dying. This year, we are on our own it appears. We are able to open as an essential service, but do not qualify for any assistance despite the movement restrictions dropping our revenue by at least 50%. Rent for the business is still charged at 100% despite a significant downturn in foot traffic and getting practically no return on the promotions fund that we are forced to pay. There’s also minimal security at the centre and incidents are frequent.

I know I shouldn’t be that down in the dumps about it. More often than not I get reminded of my privilege to live in a developed country with a job, education and a roof over my head. I was told by a customer today to think of the girls in Afghanistan who face an uncertain and undoubtedly terrifying future with the Taliban back in charge rather then dwell in my sorrows. My heart breaks for what is happening there, but it is beyond my powers as an individual to change. I might be able to be a catalyst for change, but I need to survive to do that, and if my job and way of life is endangered because of government decisions beyond my control, then surely I have some rights to sulking? For what it’s worth, said customer also said that donating money to these causes was a waste of time and her money was better spend on booze and smokes so I don’t know why she had to Karen me.

For now, I’m just trying to get through each day one step at a time. I’ve tried to improve my environment so that I can cope better and its helping somewhat but I think I need extra coping power, whether it is doing exercises from home (there’s at least three more weeks of not being able to access any studios whether it is F45, FS8 (yes I will be starting that soon and will have plenty to say about it) or KX. The only problem is that I now have problems with both my knees, my right sciatic nerve, my shoulder and lower back. Fortunately, the Endep is dulling most of the symptoms but is also making me super lethargic too which kills my willpower to do anything. I’ll let you know if I figure anything out.

But for now, I’m still here. You, reader, are also still here and even though we don’t know each other, I’m happy you are.

Stay safe everyone.